My father and I or my father and me

Many people ask whether to write my father and I or my father and me. This choice matters for clear, correct English.

The rule is simple once you know pronoun case. Use my father and I when the phrase is the subject. Use my father and me when the phrase is the object. This article explains both forms with clear rules, examples, and practice.

Table of Contents

Paragraph with parts-of-speech analysis

This section breaks down each example sentence to show how grammar determines the correct choice between my father and I and my father and me. By identifying parts of speech, checking verb tense and subject–verb agreement, and examining sentence roles (subject vs. object), the analysis explains why one form is correct in a given context. This step-by-step approach helps writers understand the underlying rules rather than relying on guesswork or common myths.

Many writers and speakers wonder whether to use my father and I or my father and me in a sentence.
The difference comes down to pronoun case and sentence role.
My father and I is used as a subject.
My father and me is used as an object.
You can test the choice by removing the other person and seeing which pronoun fits.
This article gives simple rules, many examples, and practice sentences.
I will mark parts of speech and check verbs so you can be sure your sentences agree.

Many writers and speakers wonder whether to use my father and I or my father and me in a sentence

Nouns: writers, speakers, sentence.
Pronouns: my (possessive determiner inside phrase).
Verbs: wonder (present plural; subject Many writers and speakers — correct), to use (infinitive).
Adverbs: none.
Prepositions: in (introduces a sentence).
Conjunctions: and, or.
Note: verb agrees with plural subject.

The difference comes down to pronoun case and sentence role

Nouns: difference, pronoun case, sentence role.
Verbs: comes (third-person singular; subject The difference — correct).
Prepositions: down to (phrasal preposition).
Note: verb matches subject.

My father and I is used as a subject

Nouns: father, subject.
Pronouns: I (subject pronoun inside phrase).
Verbs: is used (passive; is matches singular phrase acting as noun phrase — correct).
Note: passive construction is fine for explanation.

My father and me is used as an object

Nouns: father, object.
Pronouns: me (object pronoun).
Verbs: is used (same passive style) — correct.
Note: simple and direct.

You can test the choice by removing the other person and seeing which pronoun fits

Pronouns: You (subject), the other person (noun phrase), which pronoun (noun clause).
Verbs: can test (modal + base; You → correct), removing (gerund), seeing (gerund).
Conjunctions: and connects actions.
Note: verbs and forms are correct.

This article gives simple rules, many examples, and practice sentences

Nouns: article, rules, examples, sentences.
Verbs: gives (third-person singular; This article → correct).
Note: subject and verb agree.

I will mark parts of speech and check verbs so you can be sure your sentences agree

Pronouns: I, you, your.
Verbs: will mark (future), check (base after modal), can be (modal + base) — all match subjects.
Note: grammar is correct.

— All verbs in the introduction are in correct tense and agree with their subjects. Parts of speech are identified to help learners.

The simple rule (subject vs object)

English uses different pronoun forms for subjects and objects.

Subject pronouns: I, you, he, she, we, they, who.
Object pronouns: me, you, him, her, us, them, whom.

Use the subject form (I) when the phrase is the subject:

My father and I went to the park.
- My father and I = subject.
- Verb: went (plural meaning; verb agrees with subject).

Use the object form (me) when the phrase is the object:

The teacher saw my father and me.
- my father and me = object.
- Verb: saw (past); subject is the teacher.

The quick test: remove the other person

This test helps every time. Take the phrase out and see if I or me sounds right.

Examples:

My father and I went → Remove my father: I went. Correct.
The teacher greeted my father and me → Remove my father: The teacher greeted me. Correct.

If I still fits when alone, use I in the full phrase. If me fits, use me.

Word order and politeness

Default order: put other people first, then yourself.

Prefer: My father and I (not I and my father).
Prefer: My father and me (not Me and my father).
This order is polite and common.

You can speak informally: Me and my father went to the store. Many people say this in speech. In writing and formal speech, avoid it.

Subject-verb agreement with compound subjects

When two people make the subject, the verb is plural.

My father and I are ready.
- are matches plural subject.

When the noun phrase includes another noun with and, use plural verbs.

Edge case: Sometimes two nouns represent a single unit (bread and butter). Then use singular verb if idea is single. Not common with “my father and I.”

Object after prepositions

Prepositions take object pronouns. Use “me” not “I”.

Between my father and me (not between my father and I).
For my father and me (not for my father and I).

Test: Ask the question: “Between whom?” The answer uses object form: “Between my father and me.”

Special case: after a linking verb (predicate nominatives)

When you say It is ___, grammar gets tricky.

It was my father and I who fixed the car.
It was my father and me who fixed the car.

Which is right? Many grammarians argue It was my father and I who fixed the car is correct because who begins a clause where who is the subject that corresponds to my father and I. But others prefer me because It was is a cleft construction and the pronoun after was is in the object position. This area is advanced and many native speakers use either form based on rhythm and formality.

Best advice: avoid cleft sentences if you want to be safe. Rewrite:

My father and I fixed the car. (simple and clear)

If you must use a cleft, match the verb in the clause:

It was my father and I who fixed the car. → The clause who fixed the car uses who as subject, so I is natural.

But if you feel unsure, rewrite.

Common mistakes and fixes

Mistake:Between my father and I
- Fix: Between my father and me.
- Why: Preposition between needs objects.
Mistake:My father and me went to the store. (in writing)
- Fix: My father and I went to the store.
- Why: Subject needs I.
Mistake:The gift is from my father and I.
- Fix: The gift is from my father and me.
- Why: from is a preposition; use object form.
Mistake:Who did you invite? My father and I.
- Fix: Who did you invite? My father and me.
- Why: Answer needs object form.
Mistake:It was my father and me who won.
- Fix options: My father and I won. or It was my father and I who won.
- Why: Avoid cleft; or use traditional subject form if you keep cleft.

Many clear examples with parts-of-speech and verb checks

I list common sentence patterns. Each example shows parts of speech and checks verb agreement.

Subject examples

My father and I walked to the shop.
- My (possessive determiner), father (noun), and (conjunction), I (subject pronoun), walked (past verb).
- Verb check: walked matches plural subject.
My father and I are planning a trip.
- are planning is present progressive; are matches plural subject.

Object examples

The teacher praised my father and me.
- praised (past verb), my father and me (object).
- Verb check: praised has subject The teacher.
They invited my father and me to the party.
- invited (past verb), my father and me (object). Correct.

Prepositional object examples

Between my father and me, we split the cost.
- Between (preposition), my father and me (object of preposition). Correct.
For my father and me, the work was routine.
- For preposition. Object pronouns used. Correct.

Question and answer examples

Whom did you call? — My father and me. (formal)
- Common spoken reply: You called my father and me.
- Verb check: did call uses auxiliary; object pronouns used.
Who came to dinner? — My father and I.
- Who as subject of clause. Answer uses subject pronoun.

Compound with singular idea (rare)

My father and I as a team was strong.
- Possible but awkward. Better: My father and I were a strong team.
- Verb check: were plural matches My father and I.

Casual speech vs formal writing

In casual speech, many people say me and my father or who did you invite? My father and me. This is spoken English and widely understood.

In formal writing and public speech, follow grammar rules:

Use my father and I for subjects.
Use my father and me after verbs or prepositions.

When in doubt, do the quick test (drop the other person).

American vs British English differences

Both American and British English use the same pronoun cases. Advice is the same across dialects. The difference is in formality and register. British speakers may be slightly more traditional in formal writing, but the rule stands: subject = I, object = me.

Colloquial uses like me and my father appear in both dialects.

Idiomatic uses and tricky constructions

Some idioms and constructions confuse learners.

After verbs of perception

I saw my father and I by the gate. — wrong. Use me: I saw my father and me by the gate. But natural spoken: I saw my father and me is odd. Better: My father and I were seen by someone. Rephrase.

In reduced clauses

My father and I, having finished dinner, left. — fine. Having finished is participial phrase.

In apposition

The guests, my father and me, arrived late. — Here the phrase is in apposition. Traditional grammar: my father and I? Actually appositive is in the same case as what it renames. If it renames “the guests” (subject), then use my father and I. But if it’s an object, use me. Check role.

Simpler: rephrase to avoid confusion.

Rewriting to improve clarity

Below are awkward lines and better versions.

Original: Me and my father went to the game. Polished: My father and I went to the game.

Original: This gift is for my father and I. Polished: This gift is for my father and me. Why: for is a preposition; use object form.

Original: Who did you send the letter to? — My father and I. Polished: Who did you send the letter to? — My father and me. Note: short reply needs object form.

Original: It was my father and me who built the shelf. Polished option: My father and I built the shelf. Alternate formal: It was my father and I who built the shelf. (clause subject-verb must match; better to avoid)

Practice exercises (with answers)

Choose my father and I or my father and me.

____ travelled to the city last week.
The hostess gave tickets to ____ .
Between ____ and my brother, we will pay.
Who is coming? ____ are coming.
The surprise was for ____ .
____ were assigned the task.
She told ____ a story yesterday.
It was ____ who found the key. (rewrite if needed)
Please send the forms to ____ .
____ and my sister will sing at the event.

Answers and brief notes

My father and I travelled to the city last week. (subject)
The hostess gave tickets to my father and me. (object of to)
Between my father and me, we will pay. (object of between)
Who is coming? My father and I are coming. (subject)
The surprise was for my father and me. (object of for)
My father and I were assigned the task. (subject)
She told my father and me a story yesterday. (indirect object)
It was my father and I who found the key. — Better: My father and I found the key. (avoid cleft).
Please send the forms to my father and me. (prepositional object)
My father and I and my sister will sing at the event. (subject phrase; consider rewording: My sister, my father, and I will sing.)

Practical tips and quick checklist

Ask: Is the phrase the subject? → use I.
Is it the object (after verb or preposition)? → use me.
Remove the other name and test the remaining pronoun.
Put yourself last: My father and I, not I and my father.
For tricky cleft sentences, rewrite to avoid doubt.
In informal speech, people may use me and my father. Use caution in writing.

Conclusion

my father and I or my father and me depends on role. Use my father and I as a subject. Use my father and me as an object or after prepositions. The quick test is to remove the other person and see if I or me fits. Put others first in the phrase for politeness. Reword complex sentences to avoid confusion. Practice the exercises above. With a small check, you will pick the right form every time.

FAQs

1. Which is correct: my father and I or me and my father? Both are used in speech, but my father and I is correct in formal writing when the phrase is the subject.

2. Is between my father and I correct? No. Use between my father and me. Prepositions take object case.

3. How to fix The present is for my father and I? Change to The present is for my father and me.

4. Who vs whom: does that matter here? Yes. Whom is used for objects. But use the I/me test for compound phrases.

5. Is It was my father and me who won wrong? It can sound odd. Better: My father and I won. If you must use cleft, many grammarians prefer It was my father and I who won.

6. Can I say me and my father in a casual chat? Yes. In casual speech many people say that. Avoid it in formal writing.

7. Do Americans and Brits have different rules? No. Both follow the same grammar. Difference is in speech norms and formality.

8. Why do people say me and my father? Speech often prefers simpler, faster forms. Also, people mimic casual patterns.

9. What if the sentence is long and complex? Drop the other person and test the pronoun. If still unsure, rewrite the sentence.

10. Quick tip to remember? Remove the other person. If I fits, use my father and I. If me fits, use my father and me.